A Reddit user who goes by the name wasky2f took it upon themselves to assess how real-life courier companies would perform in Death Stranding’s post-apocalyptic postal service. Now, I know Sam is supposed to be working for BRIDGES, but there’s nothing wrong with a nixer every now and then. BRIDGES is going to have to start upping its rates if it wants to keep the Legend of Legends on its rota. Next up is Fedex. Sam is running out of time, now, and still has his Fedex run plus three more trials, so he just sort of chucks the parcel at the entrance and legs it off. Minimal damage, unless it’s something really fragile (but not that fragile). Fedex done and dusted, it’s DHL time. I think this is an ideal delivery if you’re delivering to someone you don’t like very much, like the Elder who won’t join the chiral network because he thinks 5G is attracting aliens. Throw the parcel at the entrance and then give it a good whack of a hematic grenade to bust it up a bit. Sorry, Elder, it was the Timefall, I swear. (Speaking of hematic grenades, how does Sam even make them when he canonically has no penis?) SDA is another kettle of fish. Sam actually runs over the parcel and completely destroys it. No money for you Sam, and you’ve not got the job. By the time he does his final trial for Poste Italiane, he’s just flat out burgling the parcels. He gets to the door and thinks, “actually, maybe I’d like these metals for myself,” and Usain Bolts it straight out of the facility and into the mountains. Which delivery do you reckon was Sam’s best? Again, I’m a fan of the DHL one. Just the right amount of tampering to really piss somebody off. A masterclass in intentional fuckery.
